full of sorrow

Life isn't for fucking around with, you get one shot and one shot only.

I guess that's the motto that I'm taking upon myself to in the end become a nicer person with better prospects in life, because in all honesty I would kill to have my dream job but some how something isn't clicking inside and I feel like I'm failing. Not only do I feel like I'm failing myself as an artist or as a genuine nice guy; I'm also failing everybody that believed in me and put trust in me to do good things with my life. At point blank honesty I know I haven't been acting a good son, a good friend, or even just a good person to be around at times.

 Over the past couple of months I've become someone who I would have only dread becoming; I shan't go into detail about how awful I am but, you get the jist. I've been so stressed out with tons of stuff that I've neglected all the good in my life and focused on the bad and in doing so made a hideous habit out of it, everything is going potty up right now and it's all my fault. This means change, I say this all the time, but this time I really need to mean it.

This is in a way an informal apology to anyone and everyone who I have been unpleasant to. The majority of this apology goes towards my mother, I haven't been the best son I could be and I'm deeply sorry about that. I just hope I haven't caused any big scars in my life.